Day 4

After 72 hours of treatment, my spirits are still up-ish. I'm going to bed early and drinking more water than the average whale, but all in all things are good. You wouldn't believe how many things you don't want to eat at 5:30am. I'm still working out the schedule, but I have faith that I'll figure it out. 

Even though 1/4 cup of almonds sounds like a handful, it's more like a plateful...and well, that's just too many almonds for breakfast. Before you disagree, I recommend rolling out of bed and shoving almonds in your already-parched mouth. On a similar note, 2 1/2 tablespoons of peanut butter is also a joke. While it's doable, I wouldn't suggest actually doing it. Today alone, I've eaten 5 tablespoons of peanut butter...that's more than I've eaten since I made a gazillion buckeyes last thanksgiving! I think that by the age of 25, I will safely be able to say that I can never eat a PB and J. The chemo ruined jelly and the Incivek ruined peanut butter. These drugs are just out to crush any normalcy my youth might still have. 

So tomorrow morning, at 5:45 am (I'm moving my times around a little bit), I'll be making a breakfast taco. One low-carb tortilla - 2g, 2 eggs - almost 10g, piece of cheese - 7g -- We'll see how it goes. 

I've been rather successful with my Dove dark chocolate ice cream bars - 17g - in the evening. I don't seem to be tiring of those AT ALL. In fact, I dream of them when I'm shoveling nut biproducts in my face at all other times of the day. 

I'm trying really hard to stay on Weight Watchers and only eat healthy-ish fats, and I think this will help me in the long run. I've tried to incorporate the fats semi-around meal times. The new times will be 6:00 (meds at 6:15), 2:00 (meds at 2:15) and 9:30 (meds at 10). Most of time I eat late already, so this won't be too big of a problem. 

My diet is currently including 20g fat 'snacks', vegetables, fruit and a piece of seafood. And I can't really eat much more. Upping my fat intake that much makes me feel kind of gross, so that in combination with the alleged loss of appetite, leave me pretty much in a constant state of flux between not wanting to eat and having to eat again. 

Other than the food issue, which I think is the most taxing, I've encountered a couple other things.

- sometimes I feel like I've aged a couple centuries between sitting on the couch and getting up off the couch

- sometimes i think the hinges of my body are glued shut (hips and shoulders) or corners of my torso, depending on how you look at it

- sometimes I've drank so much water because I'm parched that it warbles around inside of me making me feel like I'm swimming/on a boat/in an aquarium/etc.

- the first night I got chills, that was the worst. i got out the electric blanket and sweatpants and made it through

- i get more energy and more appetite when i go to the gym (i've been twice)

- as exhausting as being out in the sun was before, it's amplified, at least 10-fold

- carrying my bookbag uphill makes me feel like a pack mule

- and last but not least, i don't think i like peanut butter anymore

a couple more tidbits - 

   as advised, ive been lathering up with expensive lotion. this seems to be helping as my skin's not dry, yet. 

   ive been drinking an obnoxious amount of water to stay hydrated.

   ive been keeping busy so i dont think about it.

that's all for now. let me know if you have healthy options for 20g of fat!